The words above of the Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus lie at the heart of what Ben Aldridge calls Stoicism’s “Golden Rule” – also known as the “The Dichotomy of Control”. In his book ‘How to Control the Uncontrollable’ (2022), Aldridge writes:
The Stoics believed that we have little control over external events (basically, much of the stuff that happens to us). Life is uncertain and we can’t control outcomes. However, they did believe that we could control our response to those external events… By choosing to focus on our response to what happens to us, we bring power back into our hands. That awful thing might have taken place, but we can pick where we go from here and how we deal with it. This is very much a mindset thing. And it’s a wonderful way to deal with setbacks and hardships.
The Cardinal Virtues – the qualities of character that the Stoics believed we should strive to bring into our lives.
Wisdom
- The ability to make wise and sensible decisions
- Knowing that complaining about the weather isn’t going to change it
- Understanding that the best course of action for lot of problems we face in life can be found within philosophy
Justice
- Being a kind, fair and decent human being
- Aspiring to make the world a better place for our existence
Fortitude
- Exemplified by grit, endurance and resilience
- The ability to handle setbacks and rise up to the challenges in front of us
- Dealing with discomfort gracefully
- The courage to stand up for what we believe in even if that will be difficult to do
Temperance
- Self-control
- Discipline and the ability to stick with difficult things and situations
- The ability to commit to our goals
Stoic principles
1. Voluntary discomfort
- By deliberately exposing ourselves to hardships, we will be better prepared to face hardships in the future
- Deliberate discomfort (e.g. cold showers, sauna, exercising in bad weather, sleeping on the floor)
- “Shame-attacking” (e.g. taking a pet banana for a walk, exposing ourselves to situations where we feel uncomfortable to help reduce social anxiety through desensitisation)
- Deliberate deprivation (i.e. avoid something you want or like, to test self-control and mental strength)
2. Perception
- We have a choice about how we view any situation. If we can’t control it, we have to change the way we think about it
- Strive to face everything in an objective, not negative, manner applying logic and reasoning
3. Setbacks
- Thinking about how we respond (The Dichotomy of Control)
- By taking charge of the situation, we can proactively deal with the cards we have been dealt
- Amor fati (“a love of fate”) accepting and leaning into things when they go wrong
- What can I control? Reframing – each setback is an opportunity to test out our character; setbacks and difficulties can help to define us
4. Self-reflection
- Study wisdom – ideas and values that can guide us in life
- Whenever you face a problem in life, look for a book that might help
- Self-reflect on our actions to ensure that we are aligned with those ideas and values (journaling was a tool used by the ancient Stoics)
- Socrates: “Know thyself”
5. Role models
- When we are inspired by someone’s actions or ideas, it motivates us to make important changes in our lives
- Anti-role models: “The best revenge is not to be like your enemy” – Aurelius
6. Negative visualisation
- Use to anticipate future problems so that you are better prepared to face them
- Create a heightened appreciation for life itself and a deep sense of gratitude for everything (e.g. through contemplating loss, actively thinking about how much worse the situation could be brings some objectivity to it)
7. Managing strong emotions
- The ability to not get overwhelmed by our emotions can help us live less reactive lives and remain level-headed when things start getting intense
- Apatheia: the ability to remain in control when strong emotions come knocking
- Delaying our response can massively impact on how we handle our emotions
8. Dealing with others
- How we deal with difficult people says a lot about our character
- It’s easy for us to judge someone’s bad behaviour but most of the time we don’t have access to the full context
9. Memento Mori
- “Remember you are mortal”
- Life is precious but we often forget this. Being conscious of the fact that we might die at any minute gives us a heightened appreciation for what we are doing in the moment
10. The cosmic perspective
- By becoming more aware of the miracle of our existence, we can learn to detach from unnecessary worries
- When doing mundane tasks, dealing with difficult and uncomfortable situations – a good tactic is to reflect on the impermanence of everything
Post update 04/01/23: From page 3 of The Daily Stoic (2016), by Ryan Holiday: “..the following little reminder sums up the three most essential parts of Stoic philosophy worth carrying with you every day, into every decision:
Control your perception.
Direct your actions properly.
Willingly accept what’s outside your control.
That’s all we need to do.”
Post update 17/09/23: From page 277 of The Daily Stoic (2016), by Ryan Holiday: “The seeds of Stoicism are long underground. Do the work required to nurture and tend to them. So that they – and you – are prepared and sturdy for the hard winters of life.“
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